Monday, May 23, 2005

Skinned Deep (2004) - * WORST 5 *

Passably cool until you see any single one of the sets in the background.

Genre: Comedy Horror

Starring: Karoline Brandt, Jay Dugre

Directed By: Gabriel Bartalos

Overview: A family enters a small town while on a road trip, and is invited to dinner to the nice old lady's house who runs the diner. Once in the house, the scene turns macabre, and Tina, the eldest daughter, is left to fend for herself.

Acting: The acting was atrocious. Not terrible atrocious, but bad. There were some characters whose lines were overdubbed with their own lines, which I really don't understand. As for the hammy acting of every single character, quite obviously this was done on purpose, though I see no reason why...
Rating: 4

Cinematography: The film quality has a second-hand look to it. The cameras were low budget, and the direction was hazy at best. Far too many too-close shots in confined spaces to chalk it up to bad luck. This was amateurish.
Rating: 4

Script: The writing was one of the worst I've seen this year. People say some pretty stupid things in this that not only goes against regular everyday dialogue, but borders on the touched in the head. And not in that cool David Lynch mood setting way, I mean why are you talking? Just to sound retarded? Well it's working!
Rating: 3

Plot: The biggest fattest hole in a plot I've ever seen in my life brings this down a full two points: the kidnapped girl is driven away from the horrible house and its inhabitants and taken to a beach by her enamoured captor (who by the way has a three foot tall brain for a head), where she tries to sway him to let her go, or at least leave with her. In the background, about 200 feet away, we see a busload of people enjoying a BBQ picnic. Someone who's family was just murdered, her shirt covered in blood wouldn't dare dream of running, screaming "kidnap" at a mob of people, in a wide open field, in broad daylight, from an obvious freak of nature would they? No, no, they would go back to the hellish house where they butchered her family, of course, of course. I could go on and on and on! Explosive earring sized hunks of plastic please! Other than that, terrible ending!
*NOOOO! Noooo! NOOOOO!!!!!!*
Rating: 2

Mood: The mood, thank God, didn't take itself seriously, though it wasn't cliché enough (it was rip off enough from the Texas Chainsaw Massacre without paying homage like House of 1000 Corpses did) for us to get the point that this was supposed to be ridiculously abominable. The freaks and geeks were a nice touch, but they could have brainstormed a little more before coming up with a big brainless oaf with a brain for a head, a plate tossing midget and a metal jawed psychopath. And those bikers. Ugh, this whole production was just plain dumb, and Oh My God the ending credits!
Rating: 4

Yes, that IS a plate throwing midget. I know a real menace, I know.

Overall Rating: 34% (Skinned Or Fleeced?)

Aftertaste: I'd like to know what makes the horror fan the one who gets such crap dumped on them all the time and asked to keep coming back for more. It's the only genre, it seems, that has low-budget as one of its endearing trait. Well chalk it up to another bad production with a stupid plot, perhaps a stepping stone on this director's resumé, but no thank you, I will NOT watch your next piece of tripe! This movie is Ass, and I will remember your name Bartalos, I swear it!