Sunday, January 08, 2006

Why Wal-Mart Works: And Why That Drives Some People C-R-A-Z-Y (2005) * WORST 5 *

Yeah actually, I DID pick this photo out just because there's none from the actual film online...

Genre: Advertorial Documentary

Starring: Crack Junkies, off the street morons, and a couple authors of books or something.

Directed By: Ron Galloway

Overview: This pro-Wal-Mart editorial commentary seems to be the rebuttal to the last reviewed documentary, The High Cost Of Low Price.

Acting: The only thing that surprises me more than the dolts they chose to ask the 'myth' questions is how on earth are we supposed to think that they didn't PAY the nay-sayers to the evils of this empire. The selection process for everyone, including the pro-Wal-Mart people, are morons picked off the street by a guy with a camcorder and a ten dollar budget. They didn't even pretend that they weren't biased. Acting is supposed to convince me you're playing the part right? One point for the Sam Walton praising crack junkie lowlife in tears.
Rating: 2

Cinematography: Within the first 3 seconds of the 'Doc', I said, Uh oh, this is going to be super low-budge. Cut to camcorder walking up Wal-Mart aisles. This moron, Ron Galloway, has produced one other thing in his career. One. It's like Wal-Mart paid the least amount for the least work possible to say they did something. This is so ugly. I will forget it quickly. At least the lighting worked.
Rating: 3

Script: "That's why I thank God for choosing a man like Walton to start a company like this."

A full out-crying employee spoke these words, talking about how great Wal-Mart was, after which she said, "Don't ask disgruntled employees about the real Wal-Mart story, ask real and happy people like me about it!" I hope that this clearly illustrates the unabated bias that the creator of this Advertorial chose to represent for this wasted hour of my life. I laughed, and hard. For that, it gets points. Stupid crack junkie.

Rating: 3

Plot: My favorite story was the extra long description of how a hurricane whipped through this town and destroyed everything. After far too long an introduction (filler) they explain how they took the merchandise out of the store and gave it to people, out of the kindness of their insurance-covered asses, because it was the right thing to do. I could go on and on about the entire hour-long commercial I watched, but they made only one good point:
Poor people have no choice but to shop at Wal-Mart. Without Wal-Mart, poor people couldn't make ends meet. Agreed. Guess what? I'm not poor. I still boycott your corporate evil. Every other point was laughable, the subject matter was offensive and this was completely boring too.

Rating: 1

Mood: The mood was lies. For that they get a 10. Unfortunately, they tried to tell truths, so for that you get a zero. Was I there, in your corporate paradigm? Yes. Did I buy any of it or find it believable? No. A bunch of uneducated retards who don't know better than to jump when they're told to? Ummm, not a good mood setter. I almost turned this off 27 times. It was one hour long. Oh, oh, and give me a longer effin' title please.
Rating: 2

We put the pro in prostitution!

Overall Rating: 22% (Drove Me Crazy Alright)

Aftertaste: I asked twice if we could turn this off. Now I'm glad I didn't just so I could dump all over this. Others may tell you that 'watch' may be a stretch as several point-counterpoint discussions ensued, but hear this: I got what they were selling, and I didn't buy it. Don't see this. If you want to save a good hour in you life and get their point, reread what I said in the Plot section. What's worst than all this is that they didn't even pretend that they were completely and utterly self-serving. If the average American is this stupid, I pity the entire country for having such a brainwashed bunch of morons. Since I know Americans aren't this dumb (they couldn't possibly be) then I find it offensive that anyone would make them out to be.
Wal-Mart is more malignant than I ever could have imagined, and I know this from their own production. Great job guys.