Thursday, April 13, 2006

TV Carnage: When Television Attacks (2002)

Pff, this old thing? You aren't even touching the Tip of the Iceberg of Tacky

Genre: Comedy Documentary

Starring: Chuck Norris, Gary Coleman, David Hasselhoff, Cops giving up their Badges and Guns

Directed By: "Big Pinky" (TV Carnage: Casual Fridays; TV Carnage: A Sore For Sighted Eyes)

Overview: This is a hilarious look into the dark 80s, a montage of various commercials, hairdos, television and film clichés, all with the creator's running commentary (which is optional, but not to be missed).

Acting: The acting is piss-poor, atrocious, terrible, fruity men in bandanas jumping around gaily prancing and hamming it up so bad in front of the camera that you wonder how on earth you accepted this sort of thing back in the day. Remember why you rented this? Yeah. Good Times.
Rating: 9

Cinematography: Oh my God! The set backgrounds, the television technology used to cut scenes and those special effects filters... so pathetic and dated that you can't help but get engrossed and immersed, then grossed out and condemn the entire age. Remember rock videos from 1980? If not you're either too young or you were too high. Time for a wake up call.
Rating: 9

Script: My favorite part was the 'cops giving up their badges and guns' segment. All these different clips of the same old cliché, narrated with Big Pinky's sardonic commentary. Whatever you do, watch this with the commentary! Gary Coleman talking about how pissed off he is that he's still a virgin at 31 years old is gold when combined with Big Pinky's talk about Coleman's true lasciviousness.
Rating: 9

Plot: The plot is nothing more than 'This is me channel-surfing.' There was only one short segment that was clearly 'plot driven', I guess you could say, that badges one. Yes, I agree, for me it would have been better if there was a theme-based version of this series, rather than just random clips from 1980, but you know jumping back to Beanie Babies and bandana-wearing sci-fi adventure, that has a nice touch too.
Rating: 7

Mood: To truly enjoy this to its full potential, you have to watch this with friends, preferably friends who remember being there, in the 80s I mean, not in the room as you watch, but that would be good too, come to think of it... This one has TWO commentary tracks, one for Canadians, one for Americans. The O Canada! version was awesome, and we all agreed that had we just watched the regular edit, it would not have been anywhere near as good.

Rating: 8

And final score on the lay wagon? Coleman: Zero, Hasslehoff: Can't count that high!

Overall Rating: 84% (Make Way For The Onslaught)

Aftertaste: Big Pinky is the name of this director / editor / thief. All pictures of him I've seen have him wearing a balaklava. Why you ask? He didn't get permission to present and profit from any of the clips we see. Now you see the problem... I read in Vice magazine how when he was invited to this awards ceremony he was terrified, thinking that he would be arrested, that the invite was this elaborate set-up sting. Oh well, his paranoia is our entertainment. Thanks Pinky!