Thursday, June 08, 2006

The Limb Salesman (2004)

Looks like they spent all their budget on marketing. Hire writers next time, how bout?

Genre: Sci-Fi Drama (Canada)

Starring: Peter Stebbings (K-19 The Widowmaker) , Ingrid Veninger

Directed By: Anais Granofsky (Can you believe she was Lucy from "Degrassi Junior High"?)

Overview: Mutations are common in this dry, bleak future. In this story we follow a doctor who gives legs back to the daughter of a wealthy water miner.

Acting: Peter, without a doubt is the reason to watch this. His stoic demeanor and professional skill are without peer... compared to the other actors in this film anyway. The old woman and the water miner are some of the hammiest portrayals around and our dear sweet daughter is really not someone I grew attached to in any way. All secondary characters were bland and uninteresting, except maybe the odd moment from the limb-grower guy. This is the kind of Canadian acting Americans expect, and damn Anais for telling her crew to reinforce this crappy stereotype.
Rating: 5

Cinematography: The horrible distopian future: one snow scene, one Victorian house in a field, one old rusted signpost that reads 'since 2032'. You know when a Canadian movie is low budget? When they have to TELL you it's the future, cause everything looks normal. Remember that eye transplant doctor in Minority Report and how cool his lab looked? That was good. Imagine the same thing set in Canada, complete with plastic hands and feet in bubbling containers. That was bad.
Rating: 6

Script: The old lady was just a coot the whole time, the older brother and his sister has these horribly pathetic lovey-dovey moments. The whole character dynamic was boring to watch unfold mainly because the script was so stupid. I mean you have this opportunity to create any future you want, just as long as you EXPLAIN it! For NOT doing that, you get a fail!
Rating: 4

Plot: The story starts off very interestingly: a man, doctor by trade is at this old house to give a girl with stumps some full legs, then help take care of her while she heals. It's the future, there's some crazy outfits and some neat innuendo about what's going on in the world, and then it kind of just stays like that: half-assed discussions about politics and odd family strife that comes close to being a story but seems to prefer alluding to everything rather than outright saying one damn thing. Why the producers didn't ask for MORE story, I don't know. So much useless filler that by the time this ended I'd forgotten the point.
Rating: 4

Mood: There's this great scene where the doctor is asked, almost sinfully, if he would like some water. He's served a shot out of a decanter. A nice illustration of the rarity of water... until three seconds later when you ask, "Uh, how do they hydrate?" They dare remind us constantly about this glaring plot hole without ever answering it, all the while outside there's vast stretches of snow scapes (WATER EVERYWHERE). I call bullshit on creating a whole culture out of something as important as water shortage, then not explaining the effect. Go watch Blade Runner for God's sake! This is just the most glaring example, there's tons throughout that help to ruin this movie.
Rating: 3

No it's not black and white, but if it had been maybe it would have been 2% better.

Overall Rating: 44% (What I'd Give To Get This Time Back)

Aftertaste: Anais, I hate you. I dare you to make something as bad as this again. It's ok though, I'm sure I won't watch it. You aren't doing your directorial womankind any favours with this toilet.