Hostel (2005)

Never slap your executioner

Genre: Horror

Starring: Jay Hernandez (Friday Night Lights; World Trade Center), Derek Richardson (Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd)

Directed By: Eli Roth (Cabin Fever)

Overview: A bunch of guys are touring Europe to find svelte young ladies to lay. Someone drops a lead that one particular hostel is home to such perfect and willing specimens. The hostel turns out to be a front for a kidnapping and torture ring.

Acting: Does one compare acting based on genre or on your expectations of said film? If so this gets huge points, because the roles of these characters was genuinely good. No I wouldn't say great, but honestly, I don't see why any of these actors can't get other roles now that they've made a bit of a name for themselves. I guess the directors gets points too.
Rating: 7

Cinematography: The gore, fantastic, but not nearly enough. The settings, like the whole small European village streets and that dark looming factory, absolutely amazing, definitely shot on location. All the breasts however were implants. How did I know? Every boob is shot so up close that you can see the surgery scars. Was there too much Tits and Ass? Yes. Why? Cause gore is better.
Rating: 8

Script: The dialogue was atypical with a nice couple of jokes and monologues strewn about. Not a bad effort at all. Sure there's a lot of going out partying dancing jocks trying to get laid saying stupid stuff, but the script isn't what you came here for is it?
Rating: 7

Plot: I'm torn up. My guest proclaimed that there was too much ass, that if they wanted to see some tits they could just go look in a mirror, and that they wanted torture, torture, torture. I'll agree. The beginning goes on too long, but I very much enjoyed the direction it took. It turns into this one man story of trying to survive and escape from the very bowels of a hellish nightmare. That, my friends, was incredible.
Rating: 8

Mood: Again marred and overshadowed by the boobs and a long intro, it does redeem itself in the end in the best possible way: a suspenseful, horrific thrill ride in an escape attempt that may or may not succeed. We all know why there was so much nudity, and that will have to do for the other fans. For me, it's that last adrenaline-inducing half-hour. Seriously loved it.
Rating: 8

Proving once again that posing dramatically is better than getting laid.

Overall Rating: 76% (A Little Piece Of Haven)

Aftertaste: One of my friends was upset at how homophobic the guy who ends up being the focus is. He explained that this person of low moral character was not someone that he cared about. To see if he would survive or not was of no concern, because he'd say "that's gay" at everything he though was stupid. Rather, I found that this was more a statement on the fact that he was a young womanizing ass-chasing California surfer dude than of any declaration of his homophobia. He calls his friends pussies more often than he says, "that's gay". Point being, yeah it's not genius, but as horror films go, it's very decent.