Friday, December 09, 2005

The One Year Update! (December 2005)

Well well well. One full year is approaching, and this post will be my 201st for this website. Yes, The Film Vituperatem is one year old and in honour, I will give you the six month best and worst films recap. Happy anniversary. Toot, toot.

200 movies (with a couple TV Series in there) can seem like a lot (that's almost one movie every two days, for you statisticians out there), but it's really not, since I don't watch TV. Anyways hopefully this site will continue with all the changes I see happening in the future.

I just wish you people would comment more, especially with "If you liked this then see this" sort of stuff. It's half my reason for doing this. Let's start with the worst first this time round shall we?

Fifth film that was the worst to watch these past 6 months starring this girl:

The Keeper - 42% (Not Anywhere NEAR a Keeper. Ugh *Spit*)

I just saw it last week, so sad it made the cut, but honestly, I mean look at that picture? Hubba Hubba! I know!

You think to yourself, oh Zombie film fan, "Hey hey, here's another movie with Dennis Hopper and Asia Argento! Neat! They collabed in yet another must-be-decent movie like Land of the Dead! Hey! Guess what?
Toilet. At least it was free, but you let me know where I can find a small time deputy that has a full year to spend on a hunch before his sheriff tells him to spend his time doing something else... ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU'RE THE SHERIFF WHO KIDNAPPED THE PERSON YOUR DEPUTY IS LOOKING FOR! Stop making garbage people, PLEASE.
Last week's December archives if you really want to know more. Yeah... Didn't think so.

Not the WORST movie I've ever seen, but the FOURTH worst in the last 6 months:

My Name is Modesty (2003) - 40% (My Name is Banalia)

I blame this one on friendship. You take someone you know, and you realize "I'm friends with this person because they are similar to me. They want me to see this because they liked it. Ok! I will trust my friend." This is one of those films that does for friendship what lending someone ONE THOUSAND DOLLARS does, it TAXES it! I let her have it boy. *Hated this... In September...* Come on, sing with me... I don't care that she was some kick ass superspy, she was BORING.

Third worst movie of the last 6 months:

The Hood of The Living Dead (2005) -
30% (Ghastly, but Not in a Good Way)

Urgh. I should have known better than to up and buy this film that I knew would be terrible. You know, it was a low point in my life. I'm too afraid of suicide, so I waste my money and torment myself with such wonderful things as terrible Indy garbage films. At least it was all me and someone didn't subject me to it, and at the same time I didn't subject anyone ELSE to it. It's only me that's to blame. I went in knowing it would be really, really bad, and oddly, my original review is just a constant attempt at defending my reason for buying the DVD without having first seen it.
I'm sorry. I was in a low place! Let me have my masochism!
(September's archive of this review has a cute Aftertaste you should check out).

Second worst movie of the last six months:

Phantasm (1979) -
26% (Utterly Phantasmically Objectionable)

In six months, I had no idea that I would see two movies that are complete garbage, and this one they even consider 'Classic Fare', well I think not sir. You know maybe it was the era but from outright plagiarism to a logicless, terribly written plot, and literally invincible imps, no. I don't think so. I was almost mad at the person who lent it to me, seriously. I was yelling at the TV it was so bad. And Oh God what's worse is that on the DVD, there's this introduction by the alien guy talking about his role. What a retard he sounds like. Sorry pal, you won't get any pity from me you washed up old coot.
Wanna read another awesome review? Check out the one for Phantasm from the August Archives.

Finally, here it is. The worst movie of the last 6 months and by the way, honestly the worst movie I have ever seen, not kidding:

Jack The Ripper (1976) -
14% (Complete Shit - On the Bell Curve of Film, there technically should only be one movie that can possibly reach 10%. This is far too close. Worst Movie Ever, not in a good way. Burn this, Please Lord God).

I feel no need to validate my reasons. The only ONLY reason I watched the whole thing is that I wanted to tell all of you how absolutely terrible this was. I sacrificed a whole extra hour just for you people. This is badly shot, overdubbed, terribly acted, improbable and full of plastic and rubber body parts. Whoever distributed this was doing no favour to the industry except that this film can be used as a yardstick of how any movie you make at least can't be as bad as this. Check the July Archives for an actually entertaining review. It's quite good, I spent a lot of time getting just the right amount of hate across.

You know in my last recap I said that I hoped that there would not be any movies so bad as Ghost Lake and Skinned Deep. Ugh. Wishes ain't reality.

And now the moment you've all been waiting for:

Best Movie Ever of the last 6 months, and keeping with the theme, best movie ever... EVER:

Requiem for a Dream (2000) - 98% (The Highest Score I've Ever Given.)

I again spent an exorbitant amount of time touting this film in it's own special review in a format
slightly different that my usual one. This is my favorite movie, and I implore you check out the October 2 review. Why is this my favorite? Simple: Tragedy is my favorite genre, and this is my favorite movie in that genre. I also have some really, really good memories of watching it. I've always seen it with people who are very important to me. I remember those three nights very clearly. Nice memorabilia, lasting impression, amazing movie. Do yourself a favour and see this. At worst you'll say 'it was good', at best you'll be so moved by it that your entire view on film as a medium will change to accommodate the potential of such perfection as this production.

Then there was my second highest rated of the last 6 months:

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly (1966) - 94% (Awesome, Wicked, and Grizzly)

I know the ladies won't go see this because they're livin' the stereotype, fine, but this goes out to you guys who say "Ugh. I don't like Westerns". Let me tell you that's what I said, then I watched this. Since then I've watched many, many Westerns and I find I like them more than I hate them, and they can be hit an miss sometimes, but this one is magic, really. It's one of the films that raised the bar and set a standard for it's entire genre. Not watching this is like not watching Bambi, 2001, or Casablanca. It's repertoire and you know it. Find out why.
I saw this in December, if you want to find the original review.

Third best:

Titus (1999) - 94% (Absolutely Murderous!)

In all fairness you may not like this at all. It's really very specific as a genre. Not only is it long, but it's Tragedy and Shakespeare too. Still, each category excels individually. Just so you know, this has
the highest bodycount of any Shakespearean play. The plot twists and turns until you're sitting in a pool of blood. I loved it. You just might too.
(November Archives)

Fourth Best movie of the Fall / Winter season:

Pulp Fiction (1994) - 92% (A Must See Repertoire Film, Worthy of Hours of Discussion)

The thing about this one is that you know you're supposed to see it. Like The Good, The Bad and The Ugly, you know it's up there, but the great thing about this one is that it's more Crime Drama, more hip lingo, more Retro Chic and more current. It's one of those movies that if you haven't seen, people gasp and go on calling you a big stupid loser, even though you don't believe in film, and live like a Monk. The guy publicly embarrassing you will probably say, "Yeah, so you're a Monk. Just watch THIS ONE MOVIE."
I saw this back in August, if you wanna see the Archives.

The Fifth and Final best movie of the Last Couple Seasons:

The Machinist (2004) - 88% (A Solid Film with a Powerful Engine)

Yes I'm dark. I like dark films. Yes this is a dark film, get over it, it's still amazing. You know I love movies like Amélie. I really do, hell I OWN it, it's just that I'm more likely to watch this sort of thing. So when you ask, "Why is this in your top five?" it's because it's good and it's the fifth highest rated film on my Weblog in the last six months, simple. It's a mystery, but not a murder mystery, it's a mystery where our hero tries to find something harded to look for than some corpse. He's searching for his sanity, because he hasn't slept in a year, and he's slowly dying from it. Some really amazing scenes in here, and a great film overall. See it.
This one's sitting at the end of the November Archives if you wanna read more about it.

So there you have it, I hope you all enjoy this site as much as I enjoy making it. Here's to another year of The Film Vituperatem!