Mean Creek (2004)

No the secret isn't in anyone's pants, how misleading...

Genre: Adventure Crime Drama Thriller

Starring: Rory Culkin (Signs; The Night Listener), Ryan Kelley

Directed By: Jacob Aaron Estes
Overview: A group of kids take a school bully on a birthday boating trip, planning on exacting vengeance, giving him is comeuppance.

Acting: The acting by all the crew was great. Every role was masterful, and the reactions throughout are honest and realistic. Dramatic as hell.
Rating: 8

Cinematography: The bully's camcorder shots, and the shimmering sun off the river contrasted with the dark country bar scenes. All artistic and professional. That camcorder has a great way of setting the mood.
Rating: 8

Script: This thing is brilliantly written. Just shy of perfection, this script is what I remember saying in childhood, and that bully gives us laughable and pitiful all at the same time. It's a hard thing to pull off, but they do it. Throughout the entire film I was impressed by the words and the human nature unfolding. Seriously well written.
Rating: 9

Plot: It was interesting how little a part the parents played in this. That was a bonus. The flow of this starts off amazing and keeps getting better. The route the movie takes in it's twists and turns is original without being illogical. I, myself, wish they had taken a different turn in one of the plot twists, but it was by no means a bad one. This plot is intensely dramatic and even a hint of thriller. Great stuff.
Rating: 8

Mood: There are a couple of scenes, like the introductions of each character, and the climactic scenes, that just blew me away. The characters in this are what sets the mood. Unfortunately, I still felt here and there that the mood could have been a bit less subtle. It was going so well, I expected miracles I guess. Still great stuff.
Rating: 7

"Hey tubs? Notice how it's us four on this side of the boat and you on that side?"
"Ha, he's fat! It's funny"

Overall Rating: 80% (One Mean Movie)

Aftertaste: I'll always remember this as being a great movie, though I must say there was a hint of a bitter aftertaste. It was so perfect that I expected perfection throughout, and i was sad when it wasn't delivered. I'd recommend this to anyone, yes, but it left me wishing for the potential that I knew was possible.

Party Monster (2003)

Yipee, the creepy NYC Club Kid Scene, where everyone's cool if they spent 4 hours on their drag outfit...

Genre: Comedy Crime Drama (USA, Netherlands)

Starring: Macaulay Culkin (Home Alone; The Good Son), Seth Green (The Italian Job; "The Family Guy")

Directed By: Fenton Bailey & Randy Barbato (Inside Deep Throat)
Overview: This is the true story of NYC club kid and party organizer Michael Alig, famous for killing his drug dealer.

Acting: Clive Owen does a great job, so does the woman who plays his wife. Fez from "That 70s Show"? As if. Macaulay does a pretty good pretentious sissy, maybe not so much of a stretch for him. Seth Green was an embarrassment to cinema.
Rating: 3

Cinematography: As we approach the end, there are actually a few artsy shots that made me reconsider the rating I was going to give for the low-budget cameras and the clichés at the beginning. Not good enough.
Rating: 4

Script: The writing, sadly, is a good rendition of the pretentious of the Club Kid scene. No I don't know that much about it, but I've known my share of flaming queens and their pathetic displays of selfishness. No doubt this was written by a queen for the queens. Not my demographic sister! *snap snap*
Rating: 5

Plot: The plot has a good premise: immersion into a lifestyle we know nothing about, so it's new and we explore the early days of a burgeoning NYC clique, but it really wasn't entertaining. I honestly could care less for self-centered little pricks. There's no 'everyman' to this at all, and when this kid suffers, I'm glad.
Rating: 4

Mood: The costumes and the drug lifestyle is definitely ever-present, and I'm sure it does itself justice, but this movie had a way of having the characters speak directly to the audience and queuing up scenes... It just didn't work. The score for the scenes at home too, very low budget.
Rating: 5

I don't even want to explore the possibility of a caption, it's too icky

Overall Rating: 42% (Poopers!)

Aftertaste: I expected much worse. If you can get through the first 10 minutes, (or in my case, swore an oath to) then the rest almost becomes palpable. I have seen worse movies than this, really. Still, this movie will only be remembered infamously as the one I was forced to watch, to spread the evil of it. Do NOT bother with this trash. Seth Green was completely retarded in this. Clive?!! What the hell were you thinking?! Thank God for making up for it in Sin City.

Confessions of a Dangerous Mind (2002)

I'm sure as hell not confessing what I'm thinking about that silhouette babe right now...

Genre: Comedy Crime Drama Thriller

Starring: Sam Rockwell (The Hitchhiker's Guide to The Galaxy; Matchstick Men), Drew Barrymore (50 First Dates; Riding In Cars With Boys)

Directed By: George Clooney (Good Night And Good Luck)

Overview: An exploration of the secret CIA hitman life of Chuck Barris, host of the Gong Show, drawn from memoirs and interviews.

Acting: The cast is all star, and all the players play their roles to the Nth degree, a touch overboard, but not too much. When contrasted with the truer, realer everyday life of Chuck, we see his pain and doubt and self-loathing. Everyone does an amazing job.
Rating: 8

Cinematography: The filters showing us near-sepia washed out images to represent the past was a real nice touch, and they didn't go overboard with it. The way a couple of scenes drifted into each other as thought they were on the set improved the mood. Good stuff.
Rating: 7

Script: This was really well written. Clooney's dialogue was my favorite, very surreal in his delivery. This isn't one of those life lesson teachers, but that ending, wow. This entire movie is like a little comedy that hits us hard with dome deep drama here and there, and leaves us enough time to recover before coming back for more.
Rating: 7

Plot: The plot is pretty cool. We learn about this T.V. exec who invented the Newlywed Game, the Dating Game and the Gong Show, and along the way we are shown the secret life of a CIA hitman. Nice flow.
Rating: 7

Mood: There were scenes here and there in which scenes blended into one another, like on a studio set. This was a nice little touch, that added the surreal element of this man's mind. And the shots back to the old show hosts talking about whether or not they think Chuck actually was a hitman... Those together presented a subtle questioning to the audience that I picked up on. That ending cinches it all. A much deeper film than you would ever have expected.
Rating: 8

Confessions of a dangerous wardrobe, more like...

Overall Rating: 74% (Nice Little Surprise)

Aftertaste: I expected a happy little comedy with a hint of drama to it, one of those run of the mill movies that entertains you on a cold rainy early spring day. Holy Jumpin was I ever impressed. A really nice surprise, a hidden gem really. You'll like this.

Saw (2004)

Pff, you think you're tough, try sodomy with a rabid mandrill

Genre: Crime Horror Mystery Thriller

Starring: Cary Elwes (Kiss The Girls; The Princess Bride), Danny Glover (Manderlay; Lethal Weapon)

Directed By: James Wan

Overview: A murderous trapmaker has put two more victims in a life or death situation...

Acting: The acting was hammy in parts. Though this is expected in a lower budget, I must admit I was surprised that this production would score this low. Maybe having the main character of Robin Hood: Men in Tights as the lead wasn't the best choice...
Rating: 6

Cinematography: The gore is great, the filters they use are imposing, the short clips of the other crimes and the police pictures. This takes it, really good quality horror camera work. Ooo! That freaky doll!
Rating: 8

Script: The script had its portion of expected speech, but the overall dialogue added to the fright. Nothing brilliant, but it never detracted.
Rating: 7

Plot: The plot has a hole here and there, a touch of suspension of disbelief in hindsight, but it's necessary as we watch the mysteries unfold. Revisiting the other traps from the past added background to the intentions of the mind of the killer. Overall, this is believable and what's creepier than knowing something like this could actually happen and it's not about some sci-fi monster in the dark?
Rating: 7

Mood: The mood was good and claustrophobic. The ending was great. They really made sure that this film made sense and the psychology kept taking us higher and higher towards the climax. Real oppressive locals everywhere.
Rating: 8

Aww, Jigsaw's lovely rosy cheeks are so adorable!

Overall Rating: 72% (Creepy Good)

Aftertaste: The rating I give here doesn't truly give this movie justice. I really got a huge kick out of this movie, and though I can see why people didn't like this (the acting and a plot process here and there), but I think it's better than Scream, I know What You Did Last Summer, Valentine or any other of those shitty teen slasher flicks from the 90s with no intelligent motive. I will tell people that this is good, and thought not an instant classic, it definitely holds it's own against the rest.

The Amityville Horror (2005)

Where you going with that shotgun Eugene?

Genre: Mystery Horror Thriller Drama

Starring: Ryan Reynolds (Van Wilder; Blade: Trinity), Melissa George (Dark City; Derailed)

Directed By: Andrew Douglas

Overview: A retelling of the original 1979 "based on a true story" of a family recently moved into a haunted house.

Acting: The difficulty in the role here is, "How do I act totally nuts without being totally ridiculous?" Well Ryan did a great job of freaking us out in that The Shining kind of way, though maybe the director took a little too much from that Stephen King classic. It smacked of too much homage.
Rating: 7

Cinematography: The images are haunting and spooky, though I would go so far as to say often cheesy, like the ghosts in the end and the priest scene. I was a little disappointed. The babysitting scene was the best, and I was happy to see her get her due, that twit.
Rating: 6

Script: The writing was decent. The delivery by the cast carried it very well, and the dialogue of madness encroaching was what made this film for me. I think the movie would have done better if they hadn't explained every little detail why they were going nuts. Sometimes not knowing creeps us out more.
Rating: 7

Plot: The plot is the same classic haunted house tale that we've seen literally hundreds of times. But it's a good one, especially when the house is big and each room has it's own resonance of fear. This movie however left me wanting more madness.
Rating: 6

Mood: They did this thing where they had the look of the seventies and added all the modern day slasher T'N'A that the world left out of the best late 70's - early 80's horror: Black Christmas, The Shining, Texas Chainsaw Massacre didn't need this to scare us (sadly the Texas Chainsaw remake added chiseled bodies too). In fact it scared us more to know that the people were real, that you could see this happening, and not Hollywood caricatures on display as eye candy for audiences watching instead of connecting. This could have been better, but Hollywood ruined the mood with it's own brand of fake.
Rating: 4

"Jesus Christ Mom, calm down! You sound like a virgin after looney shooters on frosh week!"

Overall Rating: 60% (Weak Foundation on This Old House)

Aftertaste: The company I was with and her hand in front of her face in a huge and almost empty theater definitely enhanced the aftertaste of this movie for me, but sadly I think that it could have been better. Having seen the original, I wondered why they kept any of the "true story". They mucked up the facts from the original so much, why didn't they just go ultra-dramatic? I knew going in though that it couldn't be worse than the original, and it wasn't.

The Chronicles of Riddick (2004)

Pretty good for a blind guy...

Genre: Action-Adventure Sci-Fi Thriller

Starring: Vin Diesel (The Pacifier; xXx), Colm Feore (Bon Cop, Bad Cop; The Exorcism Of Emily Rose)

Directed By: David Twohy (Below; Pitch Black)
Overview: Five years after his escape, Riddick is hunted again, not only by mercenaries, but a terrifying order of blood-lusting crusaders, who will stop at nothing to return to their Holy Land.

Acting: The acting is as good as you expected a fighting / escaping / dueling movie to be. Nothing impressive.
Rating: 6

Cinematography: This is what it's all about. Good effects, great combat, and sci-fi backgrounds and panoramas. Now and then I could tell that the set designer's budget was limited, but the space and crusader steel was awesome.
Rating: 8

Script: The script was a touch below par. The plot twists did well to elevate this story from the typical action, but the script was not upgraded along with it. Standard comic book quips to be expected.
Rating: 5

Plot: The plot was decent. Very easy to follow but with some interesting backstory touches. Unfortunately, some of the action scenes were blatantly gratuitous and really had nothing much to do with advancing the plot. Still, it redeemed itself by throwing in realistic and well developed motivations of others and presenting us with the potential of a sequel (which I see having tremendous possibilities - even if it DOES go straight to video).
Rating: 6

Mood: The mood was very oppressive, but I thought the darkest scenes, like the one in the prison, could have been bleaker, more malignant. Some scenes were terrific, but some of the effects lessened the experience for me. Fine overall.
Rating: 6

"Nice Air Riddick!" "Thanks Dawg, just passin' overhead!"

Overall Rating: 62% (Not That Great)

Aftertaste: The movie was probably one preferred by a younger demographic. I thought movies like The Rundown raised the bar a bit on action sequences and plot. Turns out not quite, but I did like the characterizations, they weren't two-dimensional morons out to kill stuff.

The Longest Day (1962)

" For some people it was the shortest day...Awww!" - E. Reid

Genre: Action Drama War Americana Classic

Starring: Henry Fonda (The Grapes Of Wrath; The Wrong Man), John Wayne (Rio Bravo; The Alamo)

Directed By: Ken Annakin (Battle of The Bulge; Swiss Family Robinson), Andrew Marton (King Solomon's Mines; The Thin Red Line (1964)), Bernhard Wicki (The Bridge)

Overview: The epic tale of the day before and the day of D-Day, when the Brits and the Yanks smashed their way through Normandy.

Acting: The film touts "49 Internationally Acclaimed Stars". This is really well done. A bit vainglorious at times, but such was the era. Everyone does a great job, and John Wayne is actually one of the better portrayals.
Rating: 8

Cinematography: The scenes are reminiscent of Lawrence of Arabia in regards to the epic scale of the extras and the panoramic helicopter shots. Huge budget, you can really tell. It would have been nice to have seen blood when people got shot, they always just threw their arms in the air with a pained look instead. Still, aside from that little fact, this was a true epic.
Rating: 9

Script: The script was well written. Like other war epics, they looked at both sides. The Germans had their perspective, the Brits theirs. They didn't vilify anyone. In fact, if it was anyone who was made not to look good, it would have been the Americans. Subtitles in 1962 for the German army, and French resistance. A real nice touch.
Rating: 7

Plot: This long exploration of the oft-declared "most important day" in the war on the Western Front really puts us at every major point. From the briefings the day before to the paratrooper flubs to the landing on Omaha beach, this is an up-close and in-depth view at the major assaults that took place on June 6, 1944. Three hours, and it certainly doesn't feel like it.
Rating: 9

Mood: The mood is more glory than darkness, for obvious reasons, but they don't hold back on letting the audience know that war is hell. What makes this grand, like what made All Quiet on the Western Front grand, is the little tales of humanity: that one person doing something important, or dying in their attempt. Rating: 8

There's a man in charge! Eesh! 6 of them and paris woulda been won back in no time...

Overall Rating: 82% (A Tremendous Epic)

Aftertaste: This war epic is one of the most important WWII films, up there with Saving Private Ryan for it's Omaha beach assault, and All Quiet on the Western Front for it's array of diverse storytelling from different perspectives throughout. This story is certainly one of the better told tales of the best laid plans of mice and men. You won't forget it.

Se7en (1995)

What sin is humping a tub of margarine? Am I clear?

Genre: Crime Mystery Thriller Noir

Starring: Morgan Freeman (Million Dollar Baby; Unleashed), Brad Pitt (Babel; Snatch)

Directed By: David Fincher (The Game; Fight Club)

Overview: A veteran cop and his new partner are on a serial killing case rooted in the seven deadly sins.

Acting: The roles are all really well directed. The deliveries are perfect. All the players are well known veteran actors. Sometimes it's good to see a cast full of pros, directed by a pro.
Rating: 8

Cinematography: The images are bleak, suiting the mood perfectly. Darkness and filth seemed prevalent. There was just enough gore to put us there while (as in lust) some scenes left far too much to the imagination. The helicopter shots in the end are great. Of all movies ever made, there is one image from one movie that has etched its way into my mind: a rain-soaked gun barrel pointed down at the viewer, only the tip in focus, held by an indistinguishable man in a hat and trenchcoat. That shot is in this movie.
Rating: 9

Script: There is a bit of a two-dimensional feel to the Pitt and Freeman characters. It's as thought the writer took the developing good cop / bad cop idea and combined it with the unpolished veteran and his new rookie partner idea and fused them into a perfect union. Yet it works here, and the dialogue adds to the mood.
Rating: 7

Plot: The beginning of the plot, the whole veteran cop on his last assignment paired up with the young spitfire may make you roll your eyes at the cliché, but honestly, it's good. And as for the murders themselves and the plot development, also mindblowing. As for the ending, that bumps it up a full point. It's not as if you don't know this is an amazing movie.
Rating: 9

Mood: The mood is the thing. We are immersed into the bleakest city, pouring rain, into the mind of a calculating psychopath. The characters exude the desire to slough off the mire of filth that is this shit-stained world. I like this perspective very much, and this movie never stops reminding up how unlucky we truly are.
Rating: 9

Match the quote: 1.) "What's in the box?" 2.) "...mastrubating in your own feces..." 3.) Yo biotch, get yo dick out my ass!

Overall Rating: 84% (Dark as Hell)

Aftertaste: This is one of my repertoire films. I've seen it several times, and I'll see it several more I'm sure. The only thing I regret is that I hadn't seen it in theaters. If you don't like this, I'm sure you'll prefer your Bambi and your Forrest Gump. A truly memorable film, even if it's not for everyone.

Cold Mountain (2003)

Brrr!

Genre: War Drama Romance

Starring: Jude Law (Sky Captain And The World Of Tomorrow; I Heart Huckabees), Nicole Kidman (The Interpreter; Eyes Wide Shut)

Directed By: Anthony Minghella (The English Patient; The Talented Mr. Ripley)

Overview: A modern retelling of Homer's Odyssey, a southern civil war soldier deserts to go back to the woman who waits for him.

Acting: The top notch cast guarantees that the acting is great. Renée Zellweger and Jack White are the two roles that surprised me the most, but even the less crucial characters of Ribisi and the goat-killing hermit all did their part to perfectly enhance the film. Really great.
Rating: 9

Cinematography: The cinematography is as expected for such a high-budget production. Scenic panoramas of the battlefield erupting with civil war combat, pastoral shots of the south, well lit night scenes by the fire. Everything really professional, well done.
Rating: 8

Script: The script has it's moments. Frankly, anything adapted from a novel tends to safeguard a decent script, and Jude, Nicole and Renée deliver the words well. Sadly nothing truly poetic, even in their declarations of truest love, though Renée's comic interruptions and down-to-earthedness offsets this very well.
Rating: 7

Plot: The plot is solid. A man finds trials and tribulations as he walk back home, crossing hundreds of miles. During all of this, we see the story of this couple's past unfold. The little character developing moments truly seemed more important than the story itself. Great plot, thought the ending was a little disappointing - but not in that blatant predictable way.
Rating: 8

Mood: The overall themes of love and the important trek through the wilderness and the harshest tests versus man and nature are well maintained, and the job at immersing us into the era... All great.
Rating: 7

"Thanks, maam! Ain't nuthin as refreshun as a tall cold glass of Peach Shnapps after a long day of work! It's the Southern way!"

Overall Rating: 82% (A Great Tale)

Aftertaste: The movie ended in a way that was a touch disappointing for me, you might find the opposite to be true. Overall, this movie will not leave my mind marked with thoughts of genius, but it was really good, and anyone who likes Zellweger, Kidman and Law will definitely like this one too.

Downfall (2004)

Say what you will about them, but the Nazis has the best uniforms ever...

Genre: War Drama (Germany, Italy, Austria)

Starring: Bruno Ganz (Wings Of Desire; Nosferatu (1979)), Alexandra Maria Lara (The Tunnel)

Directed By: Oliver Hirschbiegel (The Experiment)

Overview: An account of Hitler's final days and his descent into madness, as the Russians invade Berlin.

Acting: The acting was superb. Ganz does an uproarious Hitler without seeming melodramatic. All the others did a great job too, though I did think Hitler's secretary was a little overdone.
Rating: 8

Cinematography: The images were claustrophobic! Most of the film took place inside the command bunker, very dismal. As for the above ground combat scenes, and the ones in the hospital, pretty good visuals.
Rating: 7

Script: The script really was what this movie was about. Really well written, long conversations with Hitler, grand monologues. We really have a great sense of the order and disorder of Hitler and those around them. Great characterizations.
Rating: 8

Plot: The plot is a good one, worthy of a film, but I really wish there has been more action. I went in expecting a high-stress situation, and I got it, but in my mind, too much bunker time.
Rating: 7

Mood: The claustrophobic atmosphere and the imminence of danger, Berlin's true end ever nearing, grew and grew as the film drew to a close. Suicide after suicide helped keep the terrifying momentum, and holy God the loyalty to Hitler, all the way to the end! Really well done.
Rating: 7

Oh, how nice! A Suprise Nazi Party!

Overall Rating: 74% (More Like Steady Incline)

Aftertaste: The movie sadly, left me wanting more. Every scene was well done, and I'm sure historically accurate, but I wanted to see more of the combat, the devastation, all that dark stuff. Instead we saw a glimpse of the Fűhrer in his madness, and a few of the bigger players in his wake. Good historic film, but not big on the epic drama. Definitely more microcosmic.

Memphis Belle (1990)

The film really starts falling apart when the talking dog starts flying the plane...

Genre: Action War Drama

Starring: Matthew Modine (Full Metal Jacket; And The Band Played On), Eric Stoltz (The Fly II; Killing Zoe)

Directed By: Michael Caton-Jones (Rob Roy; Basic Instinct 2)

Overview: The story of the final mission of the historic WWII bomber plane "Memphis Belle".

Acting: The acting is done by a cast that's still famous today. Almost all those people are recognizable television faces. Sort of a now B class bunch if you ask me. Nothing exceptional, not like there really could be.
Rating: 6

Cinematography: The plain and uninspired cinematography was professional and not distracting. So it makes it over the hump.
Rating: 6

Script: The poor and trite clichéd dialogue and flashbacks made me try and remember back to 1990, wondering if we were ever this gullible.
Rating: 4

Plot: The plot is too flag wavey for me thank you. The speeches and the barely passable character development - oh this one's a virgin, this one's a stud, this one is Irish. Lame. The only saving grace to this movie is the actual mission they flew, minus all the rest.
Rating: 4

Mood: The mood ruined itself for me. Right when they were in the thick of things, and it was getting interesting, they cut back to one of 'em reading that dumb ass poem. How sickly sweet it that? And the music was so, "We are America, and we shall overcome!" No. Nice try, but you can't brainwash me so easily.
Rating: 4

Do yourself a favour, and just go to the museum. Look for something like this and say, "Yeah I saw 'Memphis Belle'."

Overall Rating: 48% (Belle? No, Ugly)

Aftertaste: Saccharine is too nice a word to describe this movie. I sort of forgot that these flag waving propaganda films were still around, all glory and inspirational music. This movie will fade like a bad Biloxi Blues. Ugh, does Harry Connick Jr ever make a "real" movie?

Ong-bak (2003)

"Uh, just cause it's in his name, doesn't mean we should actually PUT his back in the poster boss..."

Genre: Adventure Crime Thriller (Thailand)

Starring: Tony Jaa (The Protector; The Bodyguard), Petchtai Wongkamlao

Directed By: Prachya Pinkaew (The Protector)

Overview: A skilled young fighter is sent to retrieve the stolen head of their sacred village Buddah.

Acting: These movies are never about the acting. Yes Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon raised the bar, but it's hard to go against tradition. The main character does the best job of acting. He's very minimalist, a very strong, silent type.
Rating: 6

Cinematography: The scenes are often too dark. Open that aperture for God sake. Nothing innovative, they do slo-mo repeats of particularly fancy shots, and they do it a lot. As for anything good besides the well shot action sequences? Not really.
Rating: 5

Script: The script is really stupid. The version I saw had subtitles with bad grammar here and there. As for the Hum Lae character, he was a selfish two-dimensional caricature who swore too much to be worth taking seriously. By the time he comes around and realizes that he should do right, we already hate him too much to care. As for the character building scenes, it was more force fed background for the audience than two people talking. Corny and poorly written. I really hope it was the translation.
Rating: 2

Plot: The plot's premise is decent, rescue the sacred relic, etc etc. But in the end the head is oddly irrelevant. The theft was for no good reason, and Hum Lae does a great job of leaving a Jar Jar Binks impression on you. Wait, wait, I'm being too harsh. It's a martial arts movie after all.
Rating: 4

Mood: The mood is about the Thai Boxing and the incredible feats of physical prowess. Damn straight the end battle is awesome, I mean some guy uses a saw as a weapon, and that fight with the crazy table-throwing fridge-wielding live-wire-sweeping assailant, wow, exciting stuff. If only Ting, the main character, wasn't bogged down by his supporting cast.
Rating: 7

So tough he punched Buddah through time and space, right in the eye

Overall Rating: 48% (Off By A Long Shot)

Aftertaste: The movie is one I think I'll watch again, since I own it... But frankly, I think I'll skip all the plot development, you know? Seriously the fighting is good, I dig the Thai Boxing and all, it's brutal. But overall it's badly written and forgettable.

Creepers (1985) - * WORST 5 *

Posters of early eighties B-Grade films. It's a double edged sword, so awesome because it's so bad...

Genre: Crime Fantasy Horror Mystery Thriller (Italy)

Starring: Jennifer Connelly (A Beautiful Mind; Requiem for a Dream), Daria Nicolodi (Deep Red; Shock)

Directed By: Dario Argento (Demons; Inferno)

Overview: A young American girl with power over insects goes to a Swiss Academy. A killer stalks his prey. The girl uses her power to find the killer.

Acting: Terrible!!! Oh God, classic fromage old school style. The best actor in the whole thing are the recognizable faces of Jennifer Connelly and Patrick Bauchau (The blind oracle of HBO's "Carnivale" Season One), but they hardly make up for the stinky direction. Even a talent like Connelly was warped from time to time, due to Argento's poor direction, or budget, or whatever.
Rating: 3

Cinematography: The end really gores it up. Seriously, this movie actually had me near gagging, I won't ruin the why for you, but let me just say GRAPHIC! Sadly, the entire first half was so poorly edited that it seemed completely chopped up. Also, the version I saw had half the swears edited out. Some of the scenes were classic, behind window or dark corner spying stalker style, like in Black Christmas, but overall nothing truly innovative.
Rating: 4

Script: What script? It looks like Argento said, "You. Do something that completely defies human nature and we'll keep it." The logic eluded me scene after scene. No dynamic whatsoever. Complete amateur dialogue. If this were silent, it would have been touted as a daring and brilliant art house film, but instead, every word spoken threw logic out the window, or added a touch of ridiculous anti-humanity. Utter shit.
Rating: 1

Plot: The plot is so full of holes as to be laughable. People can't be so unlucky as to have mortar crumble right before they step on them. I thought the whole bug-control angle would be well developed, but it only really even comes up three times. As for the vengeful hobo monkey with a straight razor? No, yeah, seriously.
Rating: 3

Mood: The mood, sadly, was chopped up by the terrible editing. The music was also awful. Imagine this: The entomologist is taken out, to the ambulance, murdered, while a crowd is gathered silently watching the horror. All the while, MOTORHEAD is blaring hard-ass biker rock! No! The score brings the mood down by two full points, and the editing by one. As for the actually horror and suspense and creepy characters, their weird motives and everything gore... The end makes up for it all. And it's not just one climax, it's one followed by another, followed by another. Great climactic ending, really, if a little out there.
Rating: 5

All six clones of Jennifer Connelly get together to solve the mystery...

Overall Rating: 32% (Just Plain Creepy!)

Aftertaste: The movie has its place in the archives. Dario Argento and The Goblin (one of the bands that did the soundtrack) are synonymous with horror. I'm glad I saw it, and like I said, that climax was devastatingly gory and head turningly vomit inducing. Honestly if I hadn't have watched it with cult horror fans, it would have been even worse. I think this movie will be more about the good day I spent with my buddies, rather than anything else.

Sin City (2005) - * TOP 5 * - Viewed Twice

Isn't it nice when everyone comes prepared?

Genre: Action Crime Drama Thriller Noir

Starring: Jessica Alba (Fantastic Four; Idle Hands), Bruce Willis (Hostage; Die Hard)

Directed By: Frank Miller (Sin City 2 & 3), Robert Rodriguez (Desperado; Once Upon A Time In Mexico), Quentin Tarantino (Reservoir Dogs; Pulp Fiction)

Overview: Immersed in the dark tales of Sin City, we follow the lesser of two evils as they try to make right with might.

Acting: The gravely voiced performance of Mikey Rourke was my alltime favorite, though I know people will prefer Bruce Willis' rendition of the everyman a little better. Benicio pulls off creep perfectly and Rosario does dominatrix like a pro, not to mention Clive Owen as a bad guy with a big heart. I think their overzealous portrayals each could have come close to disaster, had the direction been weaker, or had they chosen actors less experienced. Mindblowingly perfect.
Rating: 9

Cinematography: The feel is definitely Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow, with all the CGI filters and backgrounds. This film relied less on the effect though and let you simply be immersed in the characters. The special effects blood and different colours and filters and the angles... This was top quality stuff.
Rating: 9

Script: The script wavers from cheesy 1945 cliché Film-Noir and purely innovative tribute. The depression era similies and the stone-chewing wit is exactly as you would expect, but with real weight in the writing. Like Kill Bill, if you don't get it, you'll hate it. As for me, I get it.
Rating: 9

Plot: The plot is three stories of bad men doing good things, set in the darkest town you can imagine, rife with corruption, filth and crime. Dark, dark stuff, be warned. If this is your cup of tea, like it is mine, then you'll adore it. If this isn't your thing, forget it, you won't like it one bit. This is a true tribute to the Film-Noir comic genre.
Rating: 10

Mood: The mood is this whole movie. It was so good I ordered 40 bucks worth of comic books. I haven't done that since 1996. This black and oppressive universe sinks us into a mire of crime deeper than the Tar Pits they dump those bodies in. Again I issue caution. The mood is constant and pervasive. If Film-Noir is something you think you might not like before you see this, you're giving yourself a trial by fire. Luckily, it hit every black vein I have.
Rating: 10

Film Noir clashes with stark vibrancy... and some sexiness too

Overall Rating: 94% (Truly Wicked...)

Aftertaste: You know what? You might hate this. You might just think this is the stupidest movie in the world. The plot is solid though, honestly. Yes it's melodramatic and yes it's too gory for words, but holy God is it ever daring. It's like Sky Captain meets The Crow, but not in a bad way at all. Seriously, it's amazing and I have vowed to own this movie. No matter who you are, this will leave an indelible and lingering impression. Whether it's love or hate is up to you.